Stop Blaming People (Including Yourself) For Being Unhappy


Is being unhappy my fault? Do I really have no one to blame but myself for my own unhappiness? Or is it someone else's fault? Who is to blame?

There is a common belief that if you're sad, miserable, or unhappy, someone has to be responsible for it, and therefore blamed for it. In other words, either you or someone else has to be faulted for your unhappiness, whenever you're unhappy. 

This is destructive nonsense: no one ever needs to be faulted or blamed for your unhappiness. Ever!

Indeed, if you want to become happy and stay happy consistently, it's important that you:

  • Stop blaming yourself and others for your unhappiness (stop faulting yourself or anyone else for any bad feelings or any perceived failure to be happy)
  • Start crediting yourself and others for any happy moments or any steps taken to become happier (start appreciating all the happy moments you've experienced as well as what you've dong to become happier, and give credit to yourself and others for these things whenever you can) 

Not only will this change naturally feel good and make you happier in and of itself, but it will also help you become happier a lot faster and easier.

So here's why it's in your best interest to make this change immediately.

How blaming yourself and others for your unhappiness hurts you

By playing the blame game, and either faulting yourself or others for why you feel sad, miserable, or unhappy:

  • You are naturally angry with others (it's their fault), or angry with yourself (it's your fault), and either way you are a much less happy person and enjoy life less
  • Also, with this type of a focus, you are not seeing any happy moments in your life that you could enjoy and feel happy about, nor are you focusing on what you could do to become happier, which would definitely help you achieve greater happiness
  • The result is that you remain feeling sad, miserable, and unhappy, without making any progress becoming happier, and in such a way you naturally remain 'trapped' in an unhappy state

The overall lesson: blaming yourself and others for bad feelings not only makes you feel bad, but it also actively prevents you from becoming happier, which is ultimately what you want! 

So, any way you look at it, it doesn't make any sense to do.

How giving credit for happy moments & steps taken to become happier helps you

When you give yourself and others credit for any moments of happiness you've enjoyed, or any actions that you've taken to feel happier, you naturally:

  • Feel a sense of pride and accomplishment, appreciate yourself and others more, and naturally feel better about yourself and other people in your life
  • Indeed, by focusing on things of positive value to you, and appreciating their value to your life, you're naturally a lot happier and enjoy life more (which is exactly what you want, in the first place!)
  • Furthermore, by feeling happier about happy moments you've experienced, as well as what you've done to become happier, you're naturally more motivated and energized to become happier (so your success and achievement with becoming happier naturally increases on autopilot)

The overall lesson: giving yourself and others credit for all your happiness "successes" is a fantastic, beneficial thing to do, as it naturally makes you feel happier in and of itself, and also helps you become happier (and stay happier) a whole lot faster and easier. 

So when you consider all this, it makes complete sense to do.

Why crediting happiness achievements makes complete sense

By now, hopefully it's a no-brainer why it's in your own, best interest to celebrate all your experienced happiness and any progress you've made to become happier, rather than assign blame for any sadness, misery, depression, or unhappiness in general. 

Indeed, it makes complete sense, especially when you consider:

  • Just like it's neither right nor wrong to see a glass as half full or half empty, it's neither right nor wrong to focus on progress with happiness and give credit for it, or focus on unhappiness and assign blame for it
  • The difference is that giving yourself and others credit for any happiness progress naturally makes you feel better and become happier (which is what you want), while assigning blame actively makes you feel miserable and prevents you from becoming happier (which is completely counter-productive)
  • When you consider this, it makes complete sense to appreciate that giving credit for "happiness success" is a positive and beneficial thing to do that makes complete sense, while assigning blame for unhappiness or any 'failure' to be happy is a negative and self-destructive thing to do that doesn't make any sense at all, if you want to be happier 

So, if like many people, you think you're doing something 'good', or 'noble' by blaming yourself for being unhappy or not being happier, get this ridiculous idea out of your head. Not only is this completely unnecessary to do, but it's also self-destructive. 

Just like it doesn't do you any good to blame or fault others for this, it doesn't do you any good to blame or fault yourself for it, and as such, it never makes any sense to do this at all. 

Instead, it always makes complete sense to appreciate any experienced happiness, and how you and others have contributed to you enjoying a happier life, since this takes you exactly in the direction you want to go. 

How to stop blaming yourself and others for any unhappiness

Get rid of the following negative thoughts that make your blame yourself or others for any sadness or unhappiness, and that make you feel like you've failed at being happy. 

Click on each negative thought to learn why you're better of without it, and why it doesn't make sense to think that way.

Blaming others (and yourself) for any unhappy moments, or for any "lost" moments of happiness

Impact

  • You are naturally more upset with yourself and others, due to blaming yourself and others for any unhappy moments of "lost"moments of unhappiness
  • As a result you are less happy, enjoy life less
  • And by not focusing on any happy moments, or what you can do (or have done) to become happier, you have much less success and achievement in feeling happier

Sensibility

  • If you want to be happy, why on earth would you do anything that's guaranteed to make you feel miserable, and to prevent you from becoming happier?
  • Clearly, it makes no sense to inflict self blame or to blame others for unhappiness, when you could easily be making yourself feel better by crediting yourself and others for any success you've had in feeling happy or in actions you've taken to become happier
  • Also, when you consider that you can gain valuable knowledge and experiences during unhappy times, like how to improve your thinking to feel better, it makes no sense to automatically 'blame' yourself or others for moments of unhappiness, when such moments could (much to your surprise and delight) be a period of time that you are ultimately thankful for, due to what you eventually gained as a result

Perceiving moments where you were happy as being lost, gone forever, and not good enough for you to be satisfied with them

Impact

  • You feel pessimistic about ever becoming happy again, since you implicitly believe you can never be happy again, which is one of the biggest things you could to feel miserable, unhappy, and depressed, and prevent yourself from becoming happier
  • Also, when you reflect on past happy moments, rather than feeling happy about something positive you've enjoyed and experienced, you feel unhappy and miserable, due to see loss in what you've gained and achieved (!), and due to not seeing such moments as good enough for you to be satisfied with them
  • The overall result is that you have virtually guaranteed that you will feel miserable and unhappy with such thinking, and not ever become happy again, so you have way less success and achievement in becoming happier (if at all)

Sensibility

  • If you want to be happy, how on earth does it make sense to think in any negative way that guarantees that you'll feel miserable, depressed, and unhappy and that actively prevents you from becoming happier?
  • Furthermore, it doesn't make sense to see any happy moments you've experienced as ever being lost, as they are always there for you to enjoy, appreciate, be happy about, and also be encouraged by (if you've been happy before, you've proved beyond the shadow of any doubt that you are fully capable of being happy, and that's fantastic)
  • When you consider all this, not only does it make no sense at all to see past happy moments as being 'gone forever', when they clearly live and breathe in your memory, but it also never makes any sense at all for such pleasant moments to not be good enough for you, when you consider how much positive value they can add to your life

If you're thinking, I might have been happy once, but I'm never going to be happy again, stop thinking this way!

As you'll soon see, you could, at this very moment, start feeling happy and encouraged by every happy moment you've ever experienced, which would naturally help you feel happier again and help you stay happy consistently.

Perceiving loss in moments I've been unhappy or in "missed opportunities" to be happier

Impact

  • You feel unhappy about all the times you've been unhappy (or could have been happier but didn't), and as a result, you naturally feel worse and actively add to your bad feelings
  • Also, by not focusing on what created these feelings of unhappiness, and what you could have done differently to feel happier, you are not seeing valuable learning opportunities that would naturally help you learn how to become happier and stay happier consistently
  • As a result, overall, not only do you have way less happiness and enjoyment, as you actively make yourself more miserable about how unhappy you've been, but you also have less success and achievement becoming happier, as you do not constructively learn anything valuable or helpful from these situations

Sensibility

  • If you want to be happier, how on earth does it make sense to think in any ways that actively make you more miserable about how unhappy you've been? 
  • Indeed, where's the sense of focusing on things that are guaranteed to make feel unhappy (which you don't want), rather than focusing on things, like valuable learning opportunities, that are guaranteed to help you feel better and naturally makes you stronger and happier (which you do want)
  • When you consider all this, it makes no sense at all to think in ways that are the equivalent of shooing yourself in the foot, when you could be thinking in ways that automatically help you feel better, stronger, and help you build a better life and future for yourself

How to start crediting yourself and others for any happiness success or progress

Start thinking positive thoughts that make you credit yourself and others for any happiness achievement and celebrate your success more, thereby naturally making you feel more successful in being happy and becoming happier and happier over time.

Click on each positive thought to learn how it helps you, and why it makes sense to think that way.

Crediting others (and yourself) for any happy moments, any steps taken to become happier, and anything positive you've learned or achieved as a result of being unhappy

Impact

  • You are naturally more content with yourself and others, due to crediting yourself and others for any happy moments, for any steps taken to become happier, and for whatever you've positively learned or gained as a result of being unhappy
  • As a result you are naturally happier and enjoy life more (which is exactly what you want)
  • Furthermore, by celebrating all your gains and successes with becoming happier, you naturally feel more confident and are more energized and motivated to do even more things to become happier, so you naturally become happier even faster and easier, and thereby naturally enjoy more success and achievement with becoming happier

Sensibility

  • If you want to be happy, it makes complete sense to think in ways that make you happier, help you enjoy life more, and help you achieve greater happiness faster and easier
  • Clearly, crediting yourself and others for any success you've had in feeling happy or in actions you've taken to become happier does this very thing, as does seeing positive value in the beneficial things you've learned and gained as a result of being unhappy (such as learning how to think in more positive ways)
  • When you consider all this, it makes complete sense to celebrate every "happy success" you've had, as well as everything of positive value that you've learned and gained as a consequence of being sad or unhappy, and to enjoy and be thankful for all this, without ever once having notions of fault or blame for any of this (!) cross your mind

Perceiving any moment you've been happy as great, encouraging, and always good enough for you to be satisfied with it

Impact

  • You feel more optimistic about becoming happier and staying happy consistently, since you are encouraged by moments you've been happy as evidence that you can and have felt happy, and this optimism is one of the most powerful, beneficial things you can do to lift your spirits, feel happier, and create the confidence that you can and will remain consistently happy
  • Also, when you remember past happy moments, you naturally feel happy about something positive you've enjoyed and experienced, since you see such moments as being great and good enough for you to be pleased with them, and this naturally makes you feel even happier about these happy moments, and enjoy them more you
  • The overall result is that you guarantee that you feel better and happier with such thinking, you enjoy becoming happier faster and easier, and as a result you have way more success and achievement in becoming happier and staying in a happy state regularly

Sensibility

  • If you want to be happy, makes complete sense to think in a positive way that guarantees that you'll feel better and happier, and have way more success becoming happy and staying happy on a regular basis
  • Furthermore, it makes sense to see every happy moment you've experienced as something wonderful and good enough for you to be happy with it, since if that moment was good enough for you to be happy with it in the past, then it's clearly still good enough for you to be happy with it now that moment now)
  • And furthermore, it makes complete sense to be encouraged by every happy moment you've experienced, since it is clear proof that not only are you capable of happiness, but you have already experienced and enjoyed it, so it's simply a matter of learning what positive steps to take to become happier, and to enjoy remaining happy consistently (thinking in this sort of sensible, positive way is one of those steps, of course!)

Perceiving moments you've been unhappy as learning opportunities, and seeing positive value in everything you've constructively learned, gained, and achieved as a result of being unhappy, including improving your thinking

Impact

  • By perceiving unhappy moments as learning opportunities, you naturally already feel better and happier about them (which is exactly what you want), and you are constructively already looking for ways that you can benefit from such moments, improve your life, and enjoy becoming a happier and stronger person as a result
  • So with this kind of mentality, not only are you not threatened by unhappy moments, you you handle them a lot better easier, and you ultimately find some way to benefit from them (such as improving your thinking, learning how to improve your actions and make better choices in the future, and so on)
  • As a result, you are naturally way more happy and confident, you become stronger and stronger with each unhappy moment you encounter (and you encounter such moments less and less, the stronger and happier you become), and you have way more success and achievement, in general, with being a happy person and staying in a happy mood consistently

Sensibility

  • Clearly, you are perfectly capable of approaching any unhappy moment as a learning opportunity, rather than dwelling on how miserable it is, so why on earth would you not do it, if it benefits you so much, and naturally makes you happier?
  • Indeed, if you want to be happy, it makes complete sense to focus on things that are guaranteed to make you feel happier, like what you can constructively learn from any unhappy moment in your life, and how you can even benefit and gain from it, and become a happier, stronger person as a result
  • When you consider how much value there is in thinking in this sort of positive way, and how it is a completely acceptable and valid way of thinking about things, it makes complete sense to not only focus on how you can improve your life, as a result of any unhappy moment, but to also enjoy all the things you ultimately constructively learn and gain as a result

Improve your life immediately

Why do people blame others for their unhappiness, when this naturally makes them feel miserable and prevents them from becoming happier? A very likely answer is that most people don't understand or appreciate the negative effect this has on their lives. 

But you do, now. So don't blame others for your unhappiness (or yourself!) from this moment on.

Right now, complete this achievement by taking steps that will help you rewire your mind to stop blaming yourself and others for any unhappiness in your life, and to start crediting yourself and others for any happy moment you've experienced or anything you've done to feel happier.

This, of course, will naturally help you become a happier person and help you stay happy consistently.




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Section 5 Lessons


  1. Are you uncomfortable with happiness?
  2. Do you really need help being happy?
  3. Stop blaming people (including yourself) for being unhappy
  4. Eliminate any fear of being sad, unhappy, or feeling bad